when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
