Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
