return my video game
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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