States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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