He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
