Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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