You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
