fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Pants are for mortals
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
