haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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