mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
