I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
