If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
