I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
