so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
