I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
