Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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