I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I cannot find my penis.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
