i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
