Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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