dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
