Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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