how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
