bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
