he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
