The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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