it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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