Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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