i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
