I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
