it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
