all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
