i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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