I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
