the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
