so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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