9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
