If i come over, it means nothing
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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