I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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