You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
