If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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