You can't motorboat a personality
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You are the jesus of drinking
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
