I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
