Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
