did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
