I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
