Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
In America we eat man semen.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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