You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Who died my cat blue again?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
