I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
