this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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