Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
