if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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