Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
